An Attempt to Pay Things Forward

The biggest revelation at my brother Doug's funeral was that I just barely knew him.  Of course I knew him well in a family context, and I will say unequivocally that he and I were always there for one another, especially with our geographical proximity.  But the depth of his various friends and social circles was just amazing to see.  I saw one of my brother's friends kiss him goodby on the forehead.  I heard how my brother Al wrangled Doug physically in his final days.  And I am seeing grief for him from his friends that might even be deeper than  my sister Paula and my brother Al's grief.

Two who are grief-stricken about Doug's passing are Jane and Judy.  Sit back:  this is going to be a long exposition.  

My brother's last almost three years were difficult for the obvious reason.  They were also difficult financially.  The pandemic really caught Doug and Kim short in addition to dealing with chemo and its side effects and the mental gymnastics involved with such a diagnosis as Doug's.  Several helped Doug with money matters.  Good friend Kevin Connors started a GoFundMe for Doug, and people were very very generous.  My siblings and I helped as well.  And so did Ride, Janie, Ride - a 501c3 foundation started by Judy for her friend Jane.  Jane was diagnosed with cancer 17 years ago.  To help her friend Judy and her husband organized a motorcycle ride event which people pay to enter.  Other fundraising events are held as well.  Years ago Doug got involved photographing these events.  

Jane's cancer has morphed into different cancers over the years.  As Doug had his infusions, so did Jane.  And they became chemo buddies, FaceTiming during treatments and talking to one another about things that the rest of us may not understand.  Judy too was by Doug's side and made sure that the Ride, Janie, Ride foundation was there to support Doug. I met Judy and her husband in the hospital at Doug's bedside.  Jane sat with Doug and my brother Al in Doug's final days.  

I knew others loved Doug.  But the love of these two women for my brother is amazing.  To acknowledge their love and their grief, I offered to Jane and Judy what a quilter can offer:  quilts.  Jane chose the above quilt - Shuttle, a pattern by Glad Hand Sews - because it was what I was working on during Doug's final weeks.  Every stitch is about him. 

I asked Jane to choose a second quilt, and she choose my variation of Double Plus Good, the quilt by Rossie that hooked me into modern quilting.  It's been hanging on my dining room wall, but I am not sorry to see it go - I tend not to have browns and golds in my house.  And I'm delighted it's going to someone who loves it.  See the Saturday, September 24, 2022 entry for more about the quilt.

                                   

Judy looked over a couple of quilts and decided on this one above.  She asked if it was special.  And it is.  This is the quilt I worked on with my broken wrist in 2020 at the start of the pandemic.  I could cut fabric using my elbow to steady my ruler, and I could use my machine.  Scissors were my big problem.  So was ironing.  This quilt is made of a lot of selvage strips that were overlapped.  You can see my fabric preferences and collection in this quilt .  I love this quilt, but it needed an owner.  And I'm glad it was Judy who claimed it.  I can't think of or write about Judy without thinking of Dodie, my college roommate and beloved friend who died from lung cancer in 2008.  What a fabulous friends Judy has been to Jane over the year.  How special is she.  And she too loved Doug.

Here's how my dining room wall looked until just this past weekend.

And here's how it looks now.